One Year Ago.

Who were you one year ago? I've thought about it for the last month, turning 18, going to a different high school for the second semester of my senior year. Getting drunk every weekend (and 1 or 2 days a week too..) and getting stoned everyday. Smoking cigarettes, Rolling, doing coke. All of it at the same time. Literally drinking a few beers, doing a shot or two, then doing lines off the counters in the hotel we would stay at. After that all I wanted to do was go on a drive. We always thought drinking smart water and taking 5HTP pills would make us smart. not loose the brain cells as much. Who knows. That is beside my point.

One time I actually remember being so fucked up and we had enough coke to do 3 or 4 tinners (if you've ever done drugs you'll know what this is, if not you might get it after my story.) But we had no tin foil or baking soda, so my bestfriend D and I get in the car (remind you this is after 3 beers and about 2 bowls) we just went and got lost on our way to Walmart. But really if you buy tin foil and baking soda at the store while you're already fucked up people will judge. No good.
So we went to like 5 different stores and finally got it. Went back to the hotel and got our tinners ready. Everyone there was so thrilled to see us and at that moment I questioned my life. I thought back to "What would my parents say if they saw us?" "What would my teachers think, my peers, my friends that didn't know my life style?" But mostly I thought, "What would the 10 year old me think..?
The thought must not have lasted long.

Being on just alcohol is different, warm? Crazy, sick, little bit of a headache.
Being just stoned is good, clean, tired. You just feel relaxed and high, simple.
Being on just coke.. it's numb. Cold, made me feel like I was moving and squirming.
Being on E is like Happy. Love, little anxiety, hot. Sex. and you want to move.


Being Fucked Up, on anything and everything. It's intense. It's like seeing you're first love I would think. You want him but at the same time the pain of not being in love is horrible.


The other story is from one year ago to this day.
My bestfreind at the time, we'll call her S. We went to Wyoming to see her boyfriend and stay the weekend. It was both her boyfriend and my birthday weekend so we needed to Party. Well we got to the hotel at 4 or 5 and got high, did dinner, drove around. Went to the lake, in January. and drove up sand hills. Went back to the hotel, got stoned watched tv and slept. We slept until like 11 and stayed in bed and just got high until around 4 when we realized we were hungry! So got more food, went back to the hotel and the girls got ready for the night. We ended up haveing 2 boys in the hotel as well as S, me and her boyfriend. We just played beerpong and I got high. I'm pretty sure I loaded the Vaporizer and smoked by myself for a second until boyfriend came over. Everyone was almost impressed that an 18 year old little girl from Utah was smoking with the big boys, it was a proud day in my mind. But then it was mine turn to play pong, I rock at pong. anyway It was my turn and every shot I took the really Hot boy would say something dirty in my ear. It was just stuff like "Oh you would look good after I threw you on that bed" or "Those pants would look better if they were off, or on the ground" Just Wyoming Boy stuff to say. I always play the I'm not interested card or act like no one means anything but really I wanted to hook up with him. The rest of the night was going to a party that was really stupid actually and he didn't go because he hated the guy right. So no hook up for me. Just 7 beers, 6 bowls of Cronic, 9 shots of Crown Royal and about a pack of cigarettes.

Now look at me, I work all day. Have no bestfriends, want a second job to fill my time. And I talk about the old times. I don't touch drugs or alcohol really.. Don't smoke, don't party.
I miss having fun, I don't miss being the girl that could party with the boys, and hold her alcohol. I dont miss not remember nights and I really don't miss feeling like a addict.
But I miss the fun I miss being that kind of happy.

Well this is my second blog, and now I hope to continue.